Timely advice ahead of Valentine's Day 2018
Dating in the age of technology is a minefield, but it can be navigated better if you know what to look out for before you completely bomb your date. With Valentine’s Day coming up, make sure to steer clear of these five dating mistakes that Singaporeans commonly make!
According to dating group Lunch Actually, some dating mistakes are self-explanatory, like don’t insult your date even if you’re rejected. Others may seem a little less obvious – these dating coaches and consultants shed light on what they thought were the top dating mistakes singles made in the past year, and how to avoid these mistakes and improve your dating game instead.
Don't talk too much about your work
"A mistake many working singles make is that they only talk about their work during their dates, bringing up work challenges, their colleagues, and so on. For most singles, their lives usually revolve around work, and it's what they know best to talk about."
"However, only sticking to work topics will bore your date quickly. In fact, they may think you have no life outside of work at all!"
"My advice is for singles to talk more about topics like hobbies, their favourite movies and music, their treasured childhood memories, places they have travelled, and so on. This will let your date get to know you more on a deeper level, rather than just a one-dimensional person who only knows how to work." – Elaine Lai, Senior Dating Consultant.
Don't complain; remember to ask questions as well
"One common mistake some of my clients made was complaining about various issues on their first dates. Work, politics, family, exes – they would just keep complaining. Needless to say, complaining does not make you attractive to anyone, especially someone you're just getting to know."
"Instead of letting negative talk pollute your date, talk about things that make you happy instead. Also, remember to ask your date questions about themselves from time to time, and try not to talk about heavy topics like politics or religion. That can come after you've gotten to know each other well enough." – Suki Chin, Dating Coach.
Don't come across as a commitment-phobe
"I find that a lot of singles often tell me that they would prefer to stay single and not get attached. Therefore, they don't want to date at all, and to me, that is a dating mistake."
"There's nothing wrong with wanting to be single for a while, especially if you need to recover from a bad relationship. However, it is definitely a mistake to allow your past experience, and the bad experience of others, make you completely shake off dating. It's a Catch-22 situation that will keep you out of the dating scene even more. Nobody likes a negative person, right? I would like to encourage all singles in this situation to try and let go of their emotional baggage, so that they can find happiness sooner. We had a client who went out on eight dates in two months since joining us in July 2017. That's a date a week! I am happy to say that he got into a new relationship with his eighth date. He could have given up at any time with the seven dates that didn't work, but luckily, eight was his lucky number." – Marissa Nao, Dating Consultant.
Don't make dating difficult
"Some singles like to play 'hard to get' while dating! For example, they may talk about how many other people they are dating at the same time, or even refuse to answer a simple text for a week so they don't seem 'needy'.
"Unfortunately, while it's good to not be clingy, you may also end up distancing yourself from a date you actually like! Your date may end up thinking, 'oh, I guess they're not interested", and also distance themselves from you so they don't get too invested.'"
"Just go with the flow. Don't make dating difficult by thinking too much into situations – dating is to be enjoyed!" – Melinda Chong, Dating Consultant
Don't have a checklist
"Some singles have an invisible checklist which they use to immediately brush someone off, if the first date doesn't fulfil the checklist. That's definitely a mistake!"
"Sometimes, you may be surprised how compatible you can be with someone after even becoming friends with them. Maybe they were shy during the first date, or were hesitant to open up. Remember, there is no such thing as a perfect match. It's good to list down your three must-haves in a guy, and only three. You will realise that some of your wants may be superficial criteria (such as his height, age, and so on) and don’t contribute to what ultimately would make you happy in a long-term relationship."
"Most importantly, just have fun on each date, no matter who you meet. Take each date as one date closer to The Right One." – Rachelle Low, Senior Dating Consultant
Jo and Nic met through Lunch Actually, and eventually married – Jo praised Nic for being well-mannered, genuine, and honest on their first date that lasted more than three hours.
As Valentine’s Day approaches, be sure not to let these dating mistakes stop you from finding the right one – and may you find your soulmate soon.
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this article are the author's alone and do not reflect the views of Connected to India and the management of the company does not assume any responsibility or liability.