The Conservative government of the United Kingdom has decided to rescind the Brexit Bill and remain as part of the European Union (EU). This sudden reversal is sure to impact the nation’s policy for years to come.
Speaking before the House of Commons, UK Prime Minister Theresa May announced that, contrary to what she had repeatedly and publicly stated since replacing David Cameron as Premier, she would not be leading the island nation out of Britain.
“Britain is, and always shall, an integral part of the European Union,” she said. “How else are we going to be able to stop them from starting World War 3? Germany’s done it twice already, and now it looks like Greece might get a turn.”
German Chancellor Angela Merkel furiously denied any intention of starting a war. “If I wanted to, I could’ve declared war when I met Trump in Washington. If I can withstand the way that man treated me, I can forgive anything.”
EU President Donald Tusk welcomed Britain back into the fold with an impromptu poem. “Come into the light, young child/ Now that you’ve been good and wild,” he said.
The one man who was outraged at the decision was UK Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson, who announced his resignation right after the announcement and led a walkout of Conservative MPs from the House.
“Have we learnt nothing? Me and Nigey (Nigel Farage, leader of the UK Independence Party) are going to emigrate across the pond. At least that yank knows how to set up a decent immigration ban, and he’s even building a wall.”
Political experts and the BBC called the move a shrewd one on May’s part. Tony Hall, Director-General of the BBC, wrote in an editorial. “The bold retraction on the PM’s part has undercut the Scottish Independence movement and isolated the isolationist element of her party, leaving her in charge. She gets to have her cake, and eat it, too.”
On being asked whether he would use this split in the Tories to call for a dissolution of Parliament, Labour Party Leader Jeremy Corbyn replied. “Nah. We’ll let the Tories deal with this mess and have fun watching them. It looks exhausting.”
Reactions to the move set off a riotous celebration in London, until the media realised that people were cheering because English Premier League champions Leicester City had reached the quarter-final of the Champions League, despite being on the road to relegation in the EPL.
(This article's sources exist in the imagination of the writer who, to be technical, is a figment of imagination as well. The story above is to be taken with a pinch of salt. Connected to India does not vouch for its veracity and any resemblance to real people and events is strictly coincidental.)